Monday, November 23, 2015

Tech Paragraph

My Tech Paragraph:

 In my first writing piece I would put myself on the the edge of developing and maybe starting securing. I would put myself there because on that piece I wouldn't want to put on the Internet and wouldn't really want everybody to see, because I don't think I did my best work and I don't like the outcome of it. On my second piece I made a big jump and submitted  it to the young writers project website and also showed it to a lot of people. In conclusion I put myself on expanding because I use my technology for great learning things (except when I was playing with Siri in Mrs. Khun’s class).

My Tech Pieces

Bad Tech Piece:

Number of Errors I found
Actual Errors in Sentence
well ned my mom and dad are getting divorced and are fighting over me he lamented
(indent)“Well, Ned, my mom and dad are getting divorced and are fighting over me,” he lamented.
my big dapper brother in college who my family this is gods gift to parents nags me about my grades he continues
“My big, dapper brother in college, who my family thinks is Gods gift to parents, nags me about my grades,” he continues.
oh poor you said ned. i know what you mean i have a sibling just like that who drives me crazy
(indent)“Oh, poor you,” said Ned. “I know what you mean. I have a sibling just like that who drives me crazy.”
my dad is busy with his own new life and my mom thinks that im an infant. shes a real shrew about good grades too harold moaned
(indent) “My dad is busy with his own new life, and my mom thinks that I'm an infant. Shes a real shrew about good grades, too,” Harold moaned.
i no what you mean ned interjected. even if i do good i can never do good enough to please my mom

(indent) “I know what you mean,” Ned interjected. “Even if I do good I can never do well, enough to please my mom.”

as the weeks wore on harold adjusted to Burlington and its terrible nagging teachers
(indent) As the weeks wore on, Harold adjusted to Burlington and its terrible, nagging teachers.
conan and his “hip” crowd made occasional fun of harold and ned while cassandra and her freinds remained aloof

Conan and his “hip” crowd made occasional fun of Harold and Ned while Cassandra and her friends remained aloof.

one day a Rumor circulated around mrs kecks classroom and everyone couldnt wait for they’re class to be end

(indent)One day, a rumor circulated around Mrs. Kecks classroom, and everyone couldnt wait for they’re class to be end.
when class is finally over the popular students converged in the hallway
(indent)When the class is was finally over, the popular students converged in the hallway.
awesome said conan belinda is going to throw one of her incredible partys he expounded

(indent)“Awesome!” said Conan. “Belinda is going to throw one of her incredible parties,” he expounded.

Practice Sentence
to mourn aloud
I lamented when I fell in the mud.
(usually to describe a man) being neat and trim in dress or appearance
Charlie is very dapper.
one of two or more individuals having the same parents or sometimes only one parent in common
Siblings are very annoying.
a bad tempered women
My mom is such a shrew.
to say something abruptly, especially as an aside or interruption
I interject a lot.
to alter or move something slightly in order to achieve the desired fit, appearance or result   
I adjusted my hat so the sun wouldn't get in my eyes.
not involved with or friendly toward other people
People who are aloof are not my friends.
to pass or cause to pass from place to place or person to person
I circulated the track in the 1500.
when several people or things come together from different directions to meet
Everyone converged in the lawn one the first day of school.
to explain and idea in detail
”We should make a new pen with new ink!” Tate expound.

Good Tech Pieces:
My nose was only smelling smoke, my eyes were watering and and my stomach had that nasty puking feeling. The mist was hovering over the water, the old rusty car just barely poking up over the lily pads and swaddling grass. The ruckus of the nuclear power plant just coming out of the fog. Lying there in the middle of the swap was a half submerged oil barrel. I wondered why people would do such a thing? What had happened to our pretty earth?

GUM paragraph

My GUM paragraph:
      I choose these writings because I think the really showed my progress. For example in my first piece I didn't use apostrophes is some spots but, I do remember on that assignment I was rushed because I didn't know when it was due. Then on my second piece I didn't have many if any grammar mistakes. Also,on my sixth grade piece I used a word that didn't exist that now I wouldn't even think about using. In all not all of my work has perfected grammar and that's why I put myself at the securing mark.

My GUM pieces

This piece has bad GUM:
Jewl is pretty cool
shes got a pool,
Shes a fool that drools
she's scary as a bunch of ghouls.                  
She sadly sank her schooner,
but she has a dog named cooner.
When Wendy went wako.
She moved to the town Lacko.
When Jewl got there,
she met a bear.
There were no bears back in Barre.
When Jewl saw the bear her faced turned red as a cherry.
This piece has good GUM:
      The first key event that happened in the Monkey's Paw, is Mr. White's old friend from the army named Sergeant Major Morris shows up the their house. Sergeant Major Morris gives Mr. White at monkey's paw that grants three men there three wishes. This is a very important event in the story because the whole story is based around this paw. Another event that changed the story is the White family decided to make a wish even though Sergeant Major Morris said there would be bad consequences. Mr. White chooses to wish for 200 pounds for his family, the only bad thing that happens is a few weeks later his son dies, Mr. and Mrs. White still haven't got their money yet. Then that night a messenger comes and tells their son had died and gave them 200 pounds. The first wish changed the story because if the wish hadn't came true or they hadn't wish then their son wouldn't have died. The story would have to be rewritten because the rest of the book is about them trying to get him back. The last event that happened was Mr. And Mrs. White thought they had a great idea and wished their son back but, there was a problem, he came back the same way we died plus he had been underground form two weeks. This might be one of the biggest events because the White's have to wish their son dead again because he comes knocking on their door in many pieces and then they have no wishes left. As I said these three events changed the story for good.